Jaycee

To my beautiful Jaycee, my black Labrador Retriever: I am lost without you, my Jaycee. You passed away on May 15, 2003. The most terrible day of my life. When you left, you took everything...all of my happiness, my joy. I truly am not the same anymore. My world turned upside down when you left. My life, as I knew it, doesn't exist anymore.

You loved life so much. Every day was a good day. Going for walks, rain or shine, anywhere car rides, eating together, snuggling, sleeping together. Just sharing a life. You were always so glad and happy to do anything, and we did everything together. You were the best. I miss you.

Our summers were always filled with swimming that you loved so much; to get wet and swim was so much fun. Of course, you would swim whenever you could, even in the cold of winter. Fall was always such a treat, to walk and play on those brisk days and nights, the colored leaves crunching beneath our feet. We would walk forever.

But winter...walks and playtime on a snowy, silent day or night, leaving only our tracks in the stillness of a snow-covered landscape...this is what you and I loved most. The first snowfall, and how wonderful it was. You would run out and lay down, sniffing the snow and make your own snow angels. Winter is the season that will be the most hard for me and is the time I will cry out to you the most. I will miss this time dearly.

And then spring...the smell of lilacs and newness of beginnings. Things are blooming and colorful. Of life. Oh, Jaycee, your life ended in the spring. It just can't be. It's just so painfully sad.

Spring...I will forever hurt in the springtime.

I miss your endearing ways. You had so many of them. You were so proud and princely, handsome, so very smart, mischievious and devilish, loving, kind and so fun-loving. You had so many comical ways. The funny things you used to do that would always bring a smile. I miss you, Jaycee.

It is now that I truly know the meaning of sadness, lonliness, darkness, feeling lost, and now, so unsure of this new life that I must endure without you. You were with me for 11 years, since the day I brought you home at seven weeks of age. A joyous and loving friend. My companion, my child. My Jaycee, a true and forever bond. Never in my life have I had such sorrow. The sadness I still have has touched my inner core, a part of me I never knew existed until now.

All of the things that are simple in life I learned from you, my devoted and gentle friend, to enjoy and treasure forever. But it's not the same without you, Jaycee. I wish you were here. I would move heaven and earth to get you back. My heart aches every day.

To my Jaycee: It was an end of a beautiful life. He was beautiful, inside and out.

He's missed deeply.