Jade

I am writing this several months after loosing Jade. I havent been able to do it before although I have wanted to. Just recently I was able to look at pictures of him. Jade was my child, my everything. I found Jade by contacting a German Shepherd Resuce site which gave me the number for a humane society that had Jade. He had been badly abused and after that was bounced from shelter to shelter where he spent 3 years. To think of that makes me sick that my poor Jade had such a horrible life.

When I first met Jade I knew he was the one I wanted. They told me he had some aggression problems. He didnt like people to take away his toys. Probably because he had never had them before. He also was protective of the car when he was in it. I took one look at him and decided that he deserved a chance. We had our first battle that night when we got home. I couldnt get him out of the car. He just wouldnt budge. He beared his teeth at me so I said fine stay here then. I almost gave up. He spent the night in the car and the next morning he came out. I immeditly began working with him on his problems with the toys. Within three days he would let me take just about anything from with occassional problems here and there. We also worked on the issue of getting in and out of the car and his protectivness of the car. Things slowly improved. He became me whole life.

Never have I let myself love like that. He even saved my life. I was really sick and trying to get to the hospital and I passed out while driving. He began barking and pawing me until I woke up before we crashed. Well one day while visiting my parents he got in a fight with my dad's dog and she tore his leg up pretty badly. I took him to the vet where we always had to muzzle him because he didnt like being examined. She sedated him and sewed him back up and I picked him up later that night. Because we hadnt had a problem in months I didnt lay the end of the leash down by the door and when we got home I tried to get him out of the car. He growled at me and bared his teeth. He didnt want to get up because he hurt so bad. It was too hot for him to stay in the car so I tried to grab the leash he was laying on. He lunged at me and grabbed onto my arm and wouldnt let go. I pulled him out of the car by my arm. I knew then that he was too dangerous to keep around because there are a lot of children that play near by.

It was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life but I called the vet who happens to be my good friend and told her about what happened. She agreed with me that he should be put to sleep. We agreed to meet the next morning. I couldnt look at him all night. The next morning I prayed he wouldnt act excited to see me but he was. He acted like nothing had ever happened. I dont think he meant to hurt me but the years of abuse just took a tole on him. He jumped in the car excited to go. I felt sick. I drove by the clinic several times but just couldnt bring myself to stop. I had a friend go with me. We took him into the clinic and into a room. I tried to act calm so he wouldnt get scared. The vet gave him a shot to make him tired. It took about ten minutes. I sat on the floor next to him and he put his head on my lap. Finally when he was almost asleep the vet came back in and gave him the final shot. I held him in my arms until I felt his last breath, his last heart beat. I kept thinking "what have I done?" I laid on the floor next to him and cried until I was exhausted and couldnt cry anymore.

I kept saying over and over again that I was sorry. Jade I am so sorry. Im sorry that you had a terrible life before and Im sorry it had to end. I will never forget you and never stop loving you. Someday Ill see you again in Heaven.

Ill Love you forever,
Ill like you for always,
as long as Im living,
my baby you'll be.