Remo

It's A Dog's Life

He was a funny looking guy. He had big ears that flopped over on the tips, giving him the look of Gizmo from the Gremlins movie. His eyes were large and round and his head was flat on top. He had a huge tail that was the strongest muscle in his body. It was used to knock things off tabletops and to whip around and smack your leg when he was in a happy mood. His name was Remo, and he was Mark's best friend. This is his story….

I was born to a full-bred Boxer mother and my father remained an unknown stranger. By the looks of us pups, Pop must have been at least part Pit Bull Terrier or something that looked similar. I was muscular, strong, and very opinionated. I had a mind of my own and that got me into trouble more than a few times in my life. I disliked other male dogs and when the mood hit me, I would pick them up by their necks and shake them like a wet rag. I never killed another dog, but I put a hurt on several. Funny thing was, I never bothered a Beagle and I'll never know why. They just didn't bug me like the other dogs did.

I was a good puppy and I was an outside dog at first. But my buddy became afraid that I would be stolen while he was at work, so he began leaving me inside. Pretty soon, though, he was taking me to work with him. He worked in a place where I was able to spend the day by his side or in the back room if a customer came in. We had a 45-minute drive in the mornings and we had lots of conversations. He would talk and I would tilt my head and listen. What a great companion! I never had an argument with him and he rarely raised his voice at me in anger or chastised me for anything….well, maybe once in awhile! But in his eyes, I was almost perfect. And he certainly was in mine!

In fact, I received nothing but unconditional love from this guy and so that is what I gave back. It didn't matter what he did wrong, it didn't matter how much money he made, it didn't matter if his house was dirty and messy. If he felt bad and decided to stay in bed all day, I was right there by his side as long as he was down. If he wanted to take off and go to the mountains, I was there in the car for the trip. I packed lightly and was always ready to go in a matter of minutes. If he decided not to cook, that was fine with me. If he wanted to watch a movie and be a couch potato, I never squabbled over which movie we'd see. I didn't even request popcorn. He was just a perfect companion and no matter what, he was the head honcho in my book. And he cared so much about me that he wrote a song about me…can you imagine that?

We'd go fishing sometimes down to the Ohio River bank close to where we lived. He would fish and I would swim out in the river and go after sticks that were floating along. When I got tired of doing that I would push a rock around and hike it through my legs like a football (people always seemed to enjoy watching me do that). Then I'd lay in the shade and sleep awhile. Yes, we were two of a kind, my buddy and me. We liked the simple life and we didn't like pretentious things or people. No guessing games for us…what you see is what you get and that's the way it should be. Sleep when you get sleepy, eat when you get hungry, talk when you feel like talking and wear whatever is clean and close to the top of the pile (that one is about him….I didn't wear clothes, just a bandana). What is all the fuss about, anyway? There are much better things to do with one's time and energy.

We had great travels together. We went to the mountains a lot; we liked to go there to be alone to think. Sitting up on Dolly Sods with the one sided Spruce and listening to the wind blow through the ragged trees suited us just fine. We'd find shelter between some large rocks and take a nap. Then we would bound out of there and look for bears and other wildlife. I liked to pretend I was going to be a super hero and chase the wild animals away so that I could protect him. I was kind of silly that way.

I had some strange things happen in my adventures with my buddy. One time, he was driving us to work and he rounded a curve and the door on my side of the car came open. I was hanging on for dear life with every muscle in my body but I was slipping. I couldn't speak from the terror and he couldn't see what was happening because he was blind on his right side. So as we rounded a curve, my body hanging out the door, he finally turned and looked at me and at the same time, I lost my grip and went rolling out of the car onto the pavement. Man, that hurt! I concentrated on not getting run over and I rolled to the side to keep that from happening. He picked me back up and he apologized all the way to work. He treated me really special that day and kept patting my head and asking if I was ok. After that, we were sure to check the door latch before taking off for a ride.

Another time, we were stopped at a light and I decided I would like to walk for a while, so out I went. I didn't really know it was such a big deal, but I guess I wasn't supposed to get out whenever the mood hit me. Again, he didn't see me until it was too late. But he made me get back inside and we went on our way.

At home things were still the same. We lived with the one girl for several years…what was her name? Oh, well…she decided she needed to find herself (we didn't even realize she had been lost!) and so she left us and moved on to greener pastures. But we weren't upset about it for long. Life is too short to waste time grieving over something that was not meant to be. Like the John Denver song says, "he was born in the summer of his 27th year". And so was my buddy. We were alone and free at last! Two bachelors living life to the fullest!

I got to go to all the family functions and to all the parties we were invited to. One night, my buddy had a little too much of the liquid spirits and he decided he shouldn't be driving. I was glad because I didn't want to end up on an episode of "Cops" and he had never taught me to drive, so I was of no help. So he pulled over at the little house in Mason and decided to sleep it off. I watched him laying there sleeping for awhile and I kept my ears alert in case anything tried to sneak up on us and hurt him. But after a couple hours, I decided I needed some sleep, too. I curled up really close to him to keep him warm and he raised his head up a little so I squeezed underneath him and became his pillow for the rest of the night. Ah, we had adventures, us two.

But two guys in a messy trailer gets kind of old after awhile. Neither of us was much of a cook…He was good on breakfasts though, so we had a decent meal once in awhile. During our adventures we had lots of parties and lots of friends come and go. But this one lady seemed to really care about us. She was in and out of our lives for a while. And sometimes we wouldn't see her for months at a time and then she would come down to see us in our messy abode. Pretty soon, we were spending a lot of time at her house across the river. She had a beagle/shepherd mix named Chloe and as long as she minded her business, I thought she was an ok chick to hang out with. But then, they decided to get a Golden Retriever puppy that was being given away. At first I was bummed, but soon I realized this was the beginning of a whole new life!

They named her Darcy Farrow, after a JD song. She was a beauty, and so tiny at first. She was only 5 weeks old and didn't know how to do anything. She was afraid of jumping from the couch to the floor and it was only 18 inches! She slept with her head in the water bowl and was an all-around strange girl. I tried to avoid her mostly but I knew they wanted me to be nice to her, so I took her under my wing and tried to teach her the ropes. I admit, I thought she was just a dingy blonde for quite some time. I mean, she was just goofy acting sometimes and she was almost an embarrassment to our species. Like, she would try to pet the old lady dog on the head! The old one would growl but never bite and Darcy knew she could get by with a lot. Cute goes a long way.

She grew up fast and we were pretty good friends. She let me be the boss and that's how it should be. Not that I was chauvinistic, it's just that I was older and wiser and I was a big burly guy, so I should be the one in charge, right? But after a couple of years, I started to see her in a whole new light. She was an adult and our relationship changed. Pretty soon, I was a married guy with babies on the way. Who would have thought that anyone would have been able to rope this long-time bachelor? But then, it was happening to my buddy the same time it was happening to me. Dames….can't live with 'em, can't bite their heads off. And so, our worlds started to change drastically.

A couple months went by and then one night the labor started. Good grief, it takes all night to birth babies, did you know that? I thought they would just pop out and there would be no fuss, but everyone was up all night watching one, then two, then three pups being born. We would sleep for a short while and then they would say, "here comes another one!" and we would wait to see what kind it was. We had black (who knows where that came from…maybe now we had a guess at what my Pop looked like); we had tan ones; we had beige ones. Some had longer hair, some had shorter, like me. I have to say, they were lookers. But then, why wouldn't they be? The old lady was a gorgeous blonde and I have to say, I had gotten compliments in my younger days.

So, we ended with ten…can you believe that? Ten yapping, jumping, annoying "bundles of joy". Again, they grew fast and soon it was time to find them homes. But something went wrong and they all started getting sick. I had told the silly things to stay out of the nasty water in the back yard and they didn't listen. They drank that stuff and then they all got sick from the bird do-do that was in it. It was an awful thing, we ended up losing 2 of them and then Darcy got really sick and I was afraid we would lose her, too. But one day while the humans were away, I gave her and the runt a stern talking to and I told them they had to be strong and make it through this. They promised to try, they did and all was well.

In the meantime, the family couldn't decide which one of the little guys to keep so they ended up with three of them! What on earth were we going to do with three of those yapping things? But that's what we did. They named the fat little boy one Jake, they named the white strange one Jesse, and they named the runt Heather. And so, I had a family. I was not the model father, I must say. I really kind of wanted things to go back to the way they were before but that would never happen. I guess I missed the time alone with my buddy, but I had a good life and a good family, so I just accepted the changes.

Time went on and the kids grew up and we moved to a beautiful home in the country with lots of land and creeks and places to explore. It was almost like being in the mountains again. We took a few more big trips when I was old…one to the beach and that was a lot of fun. And a couple more trips to the mountains. We went to Dolly Sods in the autumn and had a blast. I was still on the lookout for the bears, but I'll tell you the truth…I never did see one in my life. I wish I had 'cause I would have run right up to him and showed him who the boss was!

As with all good things, they must come to an end. I had lived almost 15 years and I had seen and done more than any dog ever, I know that for sure. I had a wonderful life and no regrets. It was a harder thing for my buddy than it was for me at the end. I was ready. I was tired and all I had to do was close my eyes and go to sleep. And it was a peaceful sleep. I drifted into what felt like a dream and I saw the 2 puppies and the old lady beagle sitting there smiling at me. And there was Cody and Jackson and at the very end of the line was Jake. He had gone on before me just 5 days earlier. Funny, we couldn't be pals on earth because of all the macho male dog stuff. But up here, we are the greatest of friends. He's no longer my rival, but my son. And we are waiting at this place they call the Rainbow Bridge. It is really cool, lots of grass and creeks to play in and flowers everywhere. Now, not that I am a flower kind of guy, but it makes it nice for the ladies here. Every day or so, one of the gang's human will cross over the bridge and run to them and they roll around laughing and playing for a while. Then they go through this other pasture where the sign points to a place called "The Pearly Gates". I am not sure where that goes, but I think it must be a wonderful place if you get to go there with your buddy from earth.

So, I am waiting with the other members of the family here and we are having a wonderful life. I am trying to teach this boy how to properly dive for rocks. He is not the most graceful of dogs, but he's a good guy at heart. Just big and clumsy. Heather joined us a few months later and she is causing all kinds of havoc up here. She's still a spunky little girl and full of mischief. She dug her way under the ground and came up in a field that was off limits the other day and they had to bring her back to me and ask me to keep a better eye on her. Dames! Can't live with 'em…well, you know the rest.

Gradually, more of the family keeps showing up. Missy, the old cat came one day and she looked a little confused until she saw Chloe, her old sister from home. Now they sit and chat hours on end about the good old days and the human girls they grew up with.

Now, if you will, sing my song sometimes so that you don't forget me! How did it go? ….I had a dog, his name was Remo, he'd protect me from the bears and the copperheads (I especially liked that part!)….When the sun comes up in the morning…I'd open me eyes, he was layin' beside my bed…

Well, you know the rest. All is well here and until we meet again, this is Remo P. Thompson signing off…see you someday in the future!