Flounder is dearly missed by Frost. A few words:
My Flounder is gone and sometimes, it feels like I can't breathe. The
loneliness comes in waves...like a stormy sea...crashing against the
rocks and leaving the pattern of the sand changed forever. I miss Flounder ...
flea... goober-dog. I miss her lapping from the toilet then
running to whoever was closest with a kiss. I miss being loved with
every fiber of her being...no matter what I did...it was never wrong in her
eyes. I miss her lopsided grin and her crooked tail. I miss her warmth
curled against me at night. I miss being greeted with 60 pounds of
wagging dog. I miss Flounder.
I'm not sure what it was that drew our souls together...maybe the fact
that we were both kind of wanderers...not sure of our path. She was a
scraggly, almost absurd looking, ball of fur in a cage labeled CLOVER
(Collie Mix) Well, I think Flea was more a shepherd than anything
else...and she certainly wasn't CLOVER. Flounder had fur that stuck out
in every direction. Her tail was bent due to a healing break and she
wobbled when she stood up. The caretakers at the shelter thought she
had probably spent most of her three months of life in a small box or
cage as her leg muscles hadn't developed. Instead of walking, she
flopped...and Floundered.
From the minute this motley little thing came home, the world was never
the same. With her sharp baby teeth bared, she was the boss.
Flounder shared 9 years of life with me. Most of that time, she was in
some kind of trouble. She would try to be good as convention dictated,
but her spirit was just too strong for the ordinary rituals of life. She was
going 24 hours a day...every minute was a new adventure for her...the
world never lost its excitement. She was full of energy, life and love.
As a foster parent for three years, I watched Flounder greet terrified
children in the middle of the night with a gentle kiss and a promise of
constant love. Of all the pets (3 dogs, 2 rabbits, countless guinea pigs
and a ferret), Flounder was the focus for any child who lashed out at
the world. Although there was a strict rule that no one was ever
allowed to hurt any other member of the family, I saw Flounder take
kicks, shoves and slaps that were meant for some one else. She
accepted the children's hurt, fear, anger and sense of loss...then gave
back love, understanding, forgiveness and licks.
Over the past several months, life became somehow harder for
Flounder. Her doctor couldn't find anything wrong, but her behavior
changed dramatically. Always the supreme Alpha of the family, Flounder
became very aggressive toward Nekko (her black lab sister for the entire
9 years she had been with me). Nekko had several trips to the vet after
being attacked by Flea. I had to keep them separated at all times that I
could not be there to watch. I had to keep the "p-dogs" , who had
always cleaned each others' ears and licked each others' eyes, apart.
One day, I didn't latch the bedroom door completely and Nekko ended up
needing surgery to treat her injuries. I took both of them to a behaviorist
and followed every instruction.
Flounder continued to be unpredictable
and hurt her dog-friend Kayla even though I was right there. When she
started snapping at people...people who she loved...I knew that
whatever pain was inside her was terrible. I knew she couldn't be
happy alone, away from the family that she loved so much. I knew that
she never wanted to hurt anyone and must be in a place of horrible hurt
and confusion. I knew I had to let go of my Flounder and allow her to be
free of the pain...leading off on a new adventure where she could romp
and play without hurting the ones that she loved.
On Thursday, July 23, Flounder and Nekko hiked at their very favorite trail
together. Flounder splashed in the creek, chased stones, ran past a
rattlesnake, chased butterflies and danced with the joy that was the
REAL Flounder. Exhausted from our hike, we went down the mountain
to a beautiful vet clinic surrounded by wild flowers and bird feeders. We
played frisbee and rested on a low hill until the vet came outside and sat
with us. Flounder slipped gently from my world and raced ahead to
DogStar where I know she is playing happily and watching over all of us
that she left behind...as she did on every hike she ever took. My
Flounder is gone. I can't feel her breath or look at her sparkling eyes. I
can't bury my face in her fur when I'm sad. No one leaps in circles when
I come home from work. My Flounder is gone...and yet, I feel her all the
time...I see her spirit alive in Mia (the kitten) when she flips over and
sleeps on her back with all 4 paws stretched into the air...I miss
Flounder...but I know she will always be with me